My story.

“I'm a survivor of child abuse, a mother, poet, writer, wellness advocate & someone who believes that even after the darkest beginnings, healing is possible!"🤎

I was born in Blackpool & spent a short time living in Florida as a baby before returning to England. I was raised by my father until I was 13 years old & throughout my childhood I endured severe physical, sexual, emotional & psychological abuse. The traumas from the abuse has had a major impact on my mental health- something I still struggle with daily but i’m learning to heal one herb & step at a time!

There was never a day that felt safe or predictable. Every morning I woke wondering what mood my father would be in, knowing that would determine how the day would unfold. I lived in constant fear, always on edge, always trying to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing!

Although I had my own bedroom, I was rarely allowed to sleep in it. Instead, for years I slept on the living room floor or sofa while my father slept in a chair opposite me. Even now, I don't fully understand why… I have many questions I will never know the answer to. “(And that’s okay! Life is about progression- forgiveness & moving forward- for your own sanity!)”

Violence became normal (I often believed I deserved it because I was a ‘bad child’, who couldn’t behave. ) I was beaten, spat at, dragged by my clothing & thrown across rooms. I was also severely sexually abused for many years. Objects & food were thrown at me & repeated blows to my head/ears have left me with hearing problems that I still live with today. The physical & sexual abuse was devastating, but the words & psychological abuse were even harder for me. I was constantly told I was unloved, unwanted or unworthy of anyone's affection—not even my own mother's. I felt so lost, disconnected, embarrassed & struggled with alot of suicidal thoughts. ‘Writing became my saviour as a child. I learned to write poems/songs/stories- this is all i ever did & it really helped me escape from reality.’

Before I was five years old, we moved frequently, staying in different homes & hostels whenever we had nowhere else to go. Some of my earliest memories are of waking before sunrise to accompany my father while he bought drugs & seeing used needles scattered across hostel floors.

When we eventually moved from Blackpool to Yorkshire, my father completely isolated us from everyone around us. He cut ties with family/friends until he made himself the only person I had, that i could rely on. The curtains in our home were permanently closed, the house was damp, covered in mould & if someone knocked on the door, I was told to stay quiet and hide behind the sofa. We didn’t have alot of money & so there were many days without enough food, hot water or electricity.

Loneliness became part of my everyday life. I hated myself & was so ashamed of myself.

Sleep was often used as another form of control. My father would stay awake drinking into the early hours of the morning- forcing me to stay awake with him. If I fell asleep, I would be shouted at or physically assaulted. I grew up exhausted, frightened & living in a constant state of fight or flight.

I had very little contact with my mother throughout my childhood after she moved to America when I was a baby. We didn't begin speaking until I was around ten years old through occasional telephone calls.

When I was 13 years old, everything changed. Following allegations made against my father involving both myself & other young girls, social services & the police came to my high school to take me out of class. That same day, my father was arrested & I entered foster care.

For the first time in my life, I was away from the environment I'd known for so long. I was scared because that life was all I knew. I was scared to say anything bad against my dad, as I was frightened for my life! I didn’t end up telling the police what had happened to me until about 7 months later but they already had known.

After spending around a year in foster care, I found my older sister & mother through Facebook. I shared what had happened & moved to Las Vegas, Nevada, to live with my mother & begin rebuilding my life.

Starting over wasn't easy. And starting over again in a new country definitely was a challenge! Although, I was used to starting over multiple times-it was a general theme that has run through my entire life.

Although I met wonderful people & experienced opportunities I'd never had before, the trauma I carried didn't disappear. Like many survivors, I struggled with my self-worth and found myself vulnerable. During my years in Vegas, I was sexually assaulted by multiple boys who attended the same school. Images & videos were shared without my consent, leaving me humiliated and deeply traumatised. Although an investigation took place, I chose not to pursue charges because I feared for my family's safety.

I also spent over a month in a rehabilitation facility for teenagers while trying to cope with my mental health & everything I had experienced.

Following the breakdown of my relationship with my mother, I went to go & live with my best friend before moving to Florida to live with my aunt & uncle, where I graduated another high school.

Just days after my eighteenth birthday, I returned to England hoping to find closure. It was only supposed to be a temporary visit, but life had different plans.

At 19 years old, I became a mother to my beautiful daughter.

Becoming a mum changed my life forever- in the best way possible. She gave me purpose (“darling, I will always be grateful for the new path you gave me.”)

My children have become my greatest purpose, my strength & the reason to keep pushing forward! Everything I do is for them. They inspire me every single day to become the parent I never had—to give them the love, safety, affection, encouragement & stability that every child deserves.

Healing hasn't been straightforward. I am still healing. I've battled trauma, grief, poor mental health & the lasting effects of my childhood while navigating motherhood & rebuilding my life. But despite everything I've faced, I have never stopped trying to create a better future—for myself & for my children.

Today, I channel my experiences into helping others. Through my poetry, writing, advocacy & wellness businesses, I hope to raise awareness of child abuse, encourage conversations around healing & remind survivors/mental health sufferers that they are never alone.

For so many years, my story was one of survival.

Now, it's one of resilience, hope & purpose.

This website is a reflection of that journey. It's a safe space where I share my creations, my experiences & my passion for helping others heal. If my words can make even one person feel understood, less alone, or give them hope that life can get better, then every part of my journey has had meaning.🤎

Jordanna x